I'm not funny

Thank you. Thank you all my loyal followers and your loving comments.

Har har har. :D

School technically starts on Wednesday, but I have to go tomorrow to pick up my schedule and take a photo of me that will eventually go on a plastic card and several sheets of photo paper and a giant book that other people can write dumb shit in. And I have to be told to be a Senior and not go "RAWR!!!" AT all the little children but instead WITH all the little children.

College. Oh man. Don't get me started on college. I'll have to see my counselor and have an awkward "I haven't done shit this Summer that will help me out with college" talk with her.

The Jonny Craig solo album? I'm not feeling it at all. This leads me to conclude I'll hate the Craig Owens solo album as well since it'll probably sound like Cinematic Sunrise and I don't like Cinematic Sunrise. Any band with some variation of "cinema" or "scene" or "aesthetic" in their name sucks. That's a law of nature.

(Remember that previous paragraph so you can make me feel dumb when I fall for a band with any of those words in it)

What's with all these solo albums coming from all these post-hardcore-ish band's lead singers? Anthony Green, in my opinion, is the only one who's pulled it off so far. Cove from Saosin, you're next buddy.

Enough music talk. Let's talk about prison rape.

-Allan

The winds are not on our side

I'm back in America! Okay.

"Real life starts again. Har har har!"

Thanks dad.

Here is where the original post stops.

This is what we in the showbiz business of businessing call "lose 100 pounds you fat bitch you look like a cow!"

Things I've missed about the good ol' You es of ay:

1. People actually following traffic laws.
2. Cold. Thank god I got out from SFO so I got a face full of cold the minute I left the airport.
3. youtube. I need my cute kitten videos!
4. Porn
5. Doritos
6. Coffee at my diposal 24/7

Yea. YEA!!!! I hate airplanes. Flying is just way too boring. The stewardesses for my aisle were actually kinda pretty this time though. Still doesn't make the flight less boring. Go watch "Is Anybody There?" It's a good movie.

-Allan

Things are getting heavy

My great-grandma passed away around 2 a.m last night. I can now safely say that every time I'm woken abrubtly in the middle of the night, something bad has happened. She was about 95 and has refused to eat anything for weeks. She had a really high fever when we visited her yesterday afternoon and yea. I'm very disoriented and trying very hard to absorb all of this since it happened so fast. I guess I'm glad I could be here to see her go. She looked after my mom, my uncles, and I when we were children and was a very caring person.

So yea, no happyfunjoy blog post today. Sorry.

-Allan

Her name was Aubrey

Sometimes, things happen accidently that make me realize that a lot of rather important details about my family are kept away from me. I only learn about these things when someone's drunk or like years and years later when it doesn't matter anymore. I personally am okay with it since it just leaves less for me to worry about and I guess they think it's stuff I shouldn't worry about either. When I do learn about these things, it's always very "Woah, had no fucking clue that was happening..." They're not all bad things either. Just very large and hard to swallow in one sitting things.

That last sentence came out way wrong.

ZOOEY DESCHANEL! TOMMY FROM THAT ONE SHOW A BILLION YEARS AGO! SONG I REALLY LIKE!! THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!!! I really wanna see her do some song with her husband to be a.k.a Ben Gibbard from Death Cab. I'd blog all over that.

"Why do you wear a lock?!"

WHY AREN'T YOU A SEX PISTOLS FAN!? >=O

-Allan

This song was written by a serial killer

I spend a good amount of time in my aunt's office which has a laptop so I can do this. She works for some company that sells lingerie. There are giant posters of women with barely any clothes on everywhere and I'm the only other guy in the office (I get dirty looks when I stare at them). This leads me to my next point.

Seeing as all of my relatives here do work that involves shopping centers and buying crap, I see a ton of posters of people posing and trying to sell whatever brand of crap. They aren't like super famous models either. Super famous models are seen over and over again and get interviewed and stuff. The only proof that these people in the posters exist is the fact that they're standing their dressed uber hip and smiling at you. This leads me to wonder sometimes where these people are today. Are they still dressed uber hip and living the life or are they doing porn to try to get by?

We have a ton of fast food restaurants here. They've invaded the shit out of where I live. We have like two fucking Wal Marts. But there is not a single Starbucks. Okay, I don't like Starbucks all that much, but they're fucking everywhere so I was kinda hoping they would've opened a store here so I could get my fix. Nope. Fuck me. They're just gonna leave me here to die.

Beep beep boop.

-Allan

ROFLCOPTER

I've been here for like 2 days now and nothing has really happened yet. People aren't really down with drinking coffee all that much here so I've been going without it. That basically means I feel like shit. Yes.

My baby cousin is silly and really hyper. He also pees very spontaneously and without any warning. He almost went on my guitar case. That's the last time I leave it on the floor.

A couple thousand miles away and I'm still sitting on my butt in front of a laptop. Hooray. Now I'm gonna go run around screaming at people who don't understand me.

I will try not to keep doing this for the next few weeks. You read that right. Now go outside and rob a bank or something. Stop playing video games. Eat your vegetables. Don't read this and take it seriously person monitoring my posts.

-Allan

CGI sucks

This is where the picture of me bored as hell in the Hong Kong airport goes. Sadly, I can't figure out how to work the webcam on this labtop. This isn't my laptop. I rolled some fool and stole his (but not really).

The flight was boring as hell. No one sat next to me. I was all the way in the back in my two-person row. I did get to finally see "The Boat That Rocked". It's a realy good movie. Not enough Gemma Arterton though. She's really perty. Other than that, it was great. I watched that crappy Wolverine movie too. The CGI in that film was horrible. That part where he's cutting the fire escape with his claws was so bad I had a hard time holding back my laughter. They also totally raped Gambit. He wasn't Cajun at all. Fuck you person who directed that movie. Now I have to kill 12-14 hours doing god knows what. I'm gonna make 800 trips to Starbucks as soon as this laptop runs out of juice and I have nothing better to do.

I am a horrible traveler. I keep forgetting to take my belt off during security and I just had to drag my fucking guitar with me. That thing is causing me nothing but grief right now. Everytime I check in for a flight, the person's like "We might not have enough room to store that on the plane so you might have to check it in (and let the people who handle the luggage destroy it)". I haven't had to yet. I've got one more flight and I hope I still won't have to.

I feel weird blogging in public. Plus, some guy behind me keeps looking over. Haha.

I don't even know what gate my flight is gonna be at yet. I probably won't for another few hours. Now I'm gonna go wander..

-Allan

When Punk Goes Bad Haircuts And Skinny Jeans Goes Crunk

I can't remember what day it was, but it was sometime after I got my new contacts. We were driving into San Francisco from Oakland. You get a decent view of downtown with all the tall buildings and houses littered all over the place. The first thought that ran into me head was "I wish I had a katamari..." Yep. That game totally fucks up the way you look at things.

-Allan

P.S. Florence and the Machine totally stole my idea. If you go look through their pictures on their myspace, there's a picture that I can only assume Florence drew of a bird and it says "Fuck You" on the side. That's my steez. I want royalties for that! >=O