Nightmares by the sea

I wonder if these people saw it coming and got out before it was too late. Then years later we ironically worship them while still feeding off of the shit they didn't want to be surrounded by. Maybe we should all go for a swim and never come back.

-Allan

If you don't have anything nice to say

I had a dream last night that I got married. I was still 18. It was complete and utter crap. I didn't love who I was marrying. I don't even remember who it was. There was just a wedding and I'm pretty sure I was the one marrying someone. There wasn't enough food. The moral of that story is that I recall not being able to tell my parents. The whole time I was just bummed because my parents weren't there. I feel like that's how it's really going to end up. Because I'm me and that's how I work.

-Allan

The Virgin

Today we talked dreams and I realized I still have the same exact fucking dream since I was a wee little person. I just care less about it.

-Allan

Sleep Well

I'm in no position to ask "Where's my dignity?"
It was gone to moment I realized I couldn't have you
It left with the money...
...the time spent
...the thousands of miles I've driven
Just to see you
Just so you can smile at me
Then walk away
While I stand wondering "What the fuck just happened?"
I'm well aware
It's rhetorical
I'll leave now

-Allan

timshel

coal mine. trap me and call it a day. go back to your wife and kids. enjoy a nice meal and lay by the fire until you fall asleep. wake up tomorrow and go back to work. me? i'll let them dig.

-Mary

Watermark

The biggest lie we tell ourselves
Is that it all works out
That we can just sit on four's
And wait

I like to lie.

-Allan

I Am Judas

Well of course, you are right.
I don't know what the hell I am doing.
Why don't you just decide for me?
You know everything.
Fuck, man.
Why do we even try?
Were just lazy and stupid.
You fix everything.
You are pure.
You can do no wrong.
Why'd you even make me?
Such a waste of time.

-Allan

Has left the building

Today, we got a puppy. The fortune cookie told me to not spend any money, but I was just about to drop a lot of money on things I don't really care about. I think I still will. Fuck the fortune cookie. What does it know? Stupid piece of paper written by someone who vaguely grasps the concept of fortune. Today, we got a puppy.

-Allan

Get out

We shouldn't be putting parental advisory stickers on CD's.
We should be putting them on children.

-Allan

A Baby for Pree

I don't get this obsession with trying to be an "adult"
No self-respecting 6-year-old would be caught playing in a sand box these days
He wants to charm girls with his carefully constructed hair
She wants to text one word responses while throwing caution to the wind
They'll get together and hold the shit out of those hands
At least until they find out there's more than Nick Jr. after noon
There's a world out there constructed of reality...TV
She'll live her life as Liz
He'll pimp his ride (amongst other things)
They'll all be 16 and pregnant on some beach
Pop culture

-Allan

I told you so

A while back, I recall saying something about how all the mindless, liberal shits that are spawned at my school will turn on Obama in a matter of months. Today, the person who prompted me to say that made some pretty harsh comments at the current president. I laughed pretty hard. This world is so predictable.

-Allan

Coontail

Open B tuning won't stay in tune.
I got a mouthful of my own medicine.
It was bitter, but it's suppose to be good for you.
I know to be nice now. Well, not really. I just say it.
It is completely like me to hold a grudge against you now.

-Allan

The 51 is backed up and too slow

I'm tired of 12-year-old's that look much older.
I don't look very old.
I'm tired of pretty waitresses.
I don't think I'm old enough.
She was pretty though. I think that place hires a girl for one night and fires her so no one ever sees her ever again.

-Allan

I'm ready to owe you anything

I kinda used to have things to say. Now I am just fucking with you. In case you didn't pick up on that. I am. I am I am I am I am I am. I am so done with this.

Melody 5

He turns and he says to me, "How do you feel about moving to San Antonio? You know, we're probably better off there."

I don't respond. It shouldn't matter what I think. I'm leaving soon so you can do whatever you want. The house there is nicer anyways. It's in a decent suburb. You've always wanted to live in the suburbs. I don't know why didn't just go there before I went to high school. It's not like I've lived in Oakland all my life. It's not like I've grown attached to it. It's not like I've made any good friends who are staying. I'm pretty damn tired of hearing police sirens. Why do you think I'm moving so far away?

I tell him it doesn't really effect me.

-Allan

White Casket

I'm living a double life. That makes it sound easy. I'm at least five different people. None of them know each other. One of them knows you. That's how it goes. If I tried to bring them all together, things would happen. Like having a room full of people you've slept with, but never bothered to call. Those kind of things. One of them clearly is sexually frustrated. He probably has squaids. What was I saying? Oh yea. I'm at least five different people. One of them clearly pays very little attention to anything. He has the attention span of a squirrel. By this point, you are starting to see a pattern and are thinking that I will repeat this five times. Jokes on you. I just wasted a good minute of your life. He's an asshole.

-Allan

Bare and brittle

Valentine was a man with plan
A true business man
Why not exploit the lovers
With notions of trying to get laid?
And the ones who aren't love
They'll pay to express their hate
"I'll be a rich man!"

-Allan

Drive all over time

I don't think I can stand this place anymore.
It's no longer a home, it's a cage.
I know everything. I'm just bored now.
Everyone here just drinks all the time.
So it's not so wrong that I feel alone.
Bob's getting laid, Billy has a girlfriend.
I just jack off and go to rock shows by myself.
I'll probably do that when I leave here too.

-Allan

Castle Builders

I wish I was a wit vampire. It's like a normal vampire except for the fact that instead of sucking out blood, I'd suck out all of the victim's witty thoughts and comments. I would be the most charming and clever thing on two legs since the invention of the two-legged toaster. If I ever need a witty comeback, I'd simply suck it out of you. Then you would be dead so I guess it would be pointless. Did I mention people die when they get drained of all their wit? It's true.

-Allan

A big ol' fad

My name is Ted
I use my cellphone to see in the dark
I flip my pillow over to get to the cold side
I will slightly go out of my way to step on that crunchy looking leaf
I hate it when I take off my shoe and my sock comes off with it
I'm very interesting.

-Allan

Buy my car

I am going to wait until she's a bit older, divorced
And a total cougar
That's when I'll move in
I'll be like what? Thirty?
She'll still be just right
I don't think it's wrong
This is what true love is
None of that fairy tale bullshit
It's pretty ugly ain't it?
I have wants, she has needs
No use drowning ourselves
They don't need to understand, but they could shut their mouths
I don't care either way
I'm happy

-Allan

Chop Squad

Technically this is artsy. I will keep doing it for a while. Maybe you enjoy it. Maybe it's a good laugh. I think in very disjointed sentences.

-Allan

Pocket Jingle

A present came in the mail today
It told me to wait
What for?
To open it
I know, it sounds like a horrible deal
But I'll have a little bit of faith this time
And if this one fails
There will be more along the way

-Allan

He was a scary bear

I want me a heavy dose of April.
Everything will be better in April.
All my troubles will magically vanish in April.
It will all fix itself in April.
I just have to sit and wait until April.
Is that how it works?

-Allan

RATTLESNAKE!

So he says, "For $.50 extra, you can get a large. You want a large?" Won't the medium cup be able to hold a small child? No? SURE THEN! Large it is. I'm man enough to drink a small, under-developed nation's water supply's worth of Coke. You have convinced me sir. But wait! Surely a normal straw does not have the power to transport all of this liquid from the container to my mouth! I must use a Red Vine? Can I buy only one Red Vine? I need the entire box of Red Vines for some undisclosed reason? Okay. I'll take a box of Red Vines then. Golly mister, you sure are helpful.

-Allan

Sabina and Franz

I know that I have lived vicariously
None of this is my own
I remember days, things
I'm sure that they are not memories

I know that I have lived vicariously
I've talked to people in places I have never been
I laughed about hidden jokes that aren't mine
I remembered all the wrong people

I know that I have lived vicariously
In your city, on your street
Hanging around your favorite places
Sat in that cafe on 4th

Because I have lived vicariously
I forgot how to live on my own

-Allan

There's a song about this

Dear rain,

I am no longer in love with you and this relationship cannot drag on any longer. It was fun at first and we had our giggles, but now I see you are nothing more than just water that falls from the sky for an extended period of time before stopping. Remember the times when you were soothing and actually helped me fall asleep? What happened to those days? You've kept me up for two nights in a row with your "pitter patters" and "drip, drip, drips". I dozed off during a test today because you couldn't talk it out at a reasonable hour of the day. It's always "me, me, me" now. I have feelings too. I quite enjoy not having to make mad dashes from building to building for fear of getting all of my possessions wet. Also, I think you should ease up on the evaporation. You're starting to sound like hail.

Love,

Allan

house of leaves

Sometimes people are difficult to deal with. I probably shouldn't rope in people in general into that statement. It's just a few select individuals. I generally find people to be nice.

You can't give me crap and then request that I do something for you. You can't come to me for help and when I tell you I honestly can't help, you tell me I'm useless. You can't try to be my friend when you don't have an ounce of respect for me. You should also stop asking me questions that don't pertain to anything of great importance. IF MY ANSWER IS NOT GOING TO SAVE A HUNGRY VILLAGE IN AN UNDER-DEVELOPED COUNTRY, DON'T ASK IT! In short, you should go die in a hole.

I don't know why dying in a hole is the preferred method for you to die by.

I really don't know if it stems from their ego or they just have no concept of how human interactions work. I love puppies.

-Allan

The damage revealed the cost

This is the big four oh....oh.

400 posts. I've been doing this for about a year and I've accumulated a total of 400 posts. No mistakes this time.

It is at this point in a boy's life that he must talk about being at this point in his life.

I would've done something spectacular with this post if I were famous, but I am not so nothing spectacular will happen. Maybe by 500 I'll be a billionaire and dumb promises like Michael Scott. Then it'll be great.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to whore myself out more to the interbot.

-Allan

The shivers, I got.

I question my character sometimes.

Char⋅ac⋅ter [kar-ik-ter]- n. 1. the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing; 2. a part or role, as in a play or film.

-Allan

These Arms Were Snakes

My long, arduous journey down the college application road is coming to a close. What is the first thing that I did when I clicked that "submit" button my friends had been talking about for months? I went on facebook and updated my status to something I thought was witty. Good times.

Now I just have to stay on life support until the letters start rolling in. Though I am sure I won't get in, I really would like to go to Skidmore. If not, I just hope one of the other colleges take me. They're all very similar schools so the only sad part will be that I am not at Skidmore. Let's hope the other sad part won't be that I didn't get into a single college.

Assuming I do get into college, I'll actually be carrying a lot of my friends with me to the East coast. I don't have that many friends so it's not a hard task. Haha. I also will have to deal with all the people (one person actually) I don't want to ever see again since apparently they'll be tagging along too and they'll probably want to hang out with my friends when I'm hanging out with my friends. Let's hope Oregon adopts me instead. Haha. I wanted to get away from everything I am used to here which sadly includes the people I want to spend time with. Maybe it's a complete douche thing to do, but I wanna see what I can do just completely by myself. By that I don't mean I'll move out and not talk to people ever again. I mean like living on my own, forming new relationships on my own, paying the non-existent bills and child support on my own, etc. Maybe I'll see that I can't actually survive on my own and come crawling back to Oakland. Who knows?

In other very depressing news, These Arms Are Snakes is no longer a band. Boo.

-Allan

Jen don't wanna be seen

Today, I had a brilliant idea. The problem was that I was in the car, it was very early in the morning, and I had nothing to write it down on. So I tried to cling onto that idea while doing a bunch of other things like walking and not running into people in Chinatown. It's a lot harder than it sounds. I got home, sat down, tried to recreate the idea I was super stoked about in the car and I just couldn't. That's probably a sign for why I shouldn't write poetry.

I'm just trying to be productive. I have too much free time and I figure that if I am not going to do work, I might as well pursue that artsty fartsy side of me I pretend exists. That endeavor is very expensive.

That's just code for "I'm pretty tired of blogging".

-Allan

Paper Stapler

I'm 100% determined to get this tattoo. Just sayin'. It's either this or try to fork up the cash for a full sleeve because I'm so hip like that. Have I mentioned I'll never probably get a "real" job?

-Allan

All my titles now will involve paper.

I am trying very hard to push this blog in a different direction than me just rambling on about nothing. That requires me to actually plan out something to talk about and stick with that something. I'm sorry if you like rambling, but this is what I want.

With that said, it becomes all that more difficult. I don't wanna just put something down if I don't feel like it will entertain in some way which in turn makes nothing I write seem entertaining. I also am in no way motivated to put so much effort into this thing when like all of 2-3 people read it. AdSense gives me a better sense of how many times someone actually looks at this blog, but I can almost guarantee that 80% of those views are from me. Now I am just complaining.

What I am really getting to is that you should just donate money to me. I can up the production of this blog and it will end up looking like your favorite movie. Don't you want it to look like your favorite movie? Of course you do.

I have a last.fm account. Add me?

Click it yo.

-Allan

Mo' Paper

No, this blog does not get easier to read. It will never in any shape or form make your eyes feel comfortable when staring at it. Sorry.

-The Management.

Paper

Recently, I've consumed a lot of Pepsi. Pepsi is one of my preferred beverages because it says "caffeine" somewhere on the packaging and I find that oddly reassuring. That is, however, not a valid reason to consume the amount of Pepsi that I have consumed.

At this point you probably think that I have just given you my answer to the age-old question: "Coke or Pepsi?"

To tell you the truth, I don't know. I personally think they both taste kind of the same. You drink enough of both and they all just start tasting like one another. It's all just sugar water in the end so why the hell does that matter?

If Pepsi and Coke had a baby, you'd get a clogged artery.

-Allan.

Like leads to like like

Owl City. We are going to talk about Owl City. Just sayin'. You can leave now if you want.

But you'll stay. They always stay.

I don't know how I feel about this city of owls yet. On one hand, I kinda like his voice and to some extent admire what he is doing, but one the other I hate how "cute" and "bubbly" all his songs are and I just have this thing against people playing the laptop. It's silly and just too simple (says the guy who probably couldn't do it himself). I probably don't know what I am talking about, but a lot of the time there aren't even any real instruments involved. There are programs to emulate any instrument and that totally takes the fun out of it. Plus, it's really weird watching a dude stand in front of a laptop live. The negatives are outweighing the positives so I will say this: I secretly adore "Fireflies".



At least he knows what music fans really want. An adult size onesie.

-Allan

P.S. CLICK MY ADS!!! D:

Pretty and rainbows

Remember Happy Meals? Of course you do. Remember when they would occasionally have different toys for boys and girls? Like one gets a Hot Wheels and the other gets a Barbie? I remember being so completely bummed every time I got a Barbie. I couldn't wrap my mind around why on earth the person behind the counter would give me a freakin' Barbie. They saw that I was a boy because I was the one who ordered the damn Happy Meal. Your company made a distinction that little boys got a piece of plastic with wheels on it and girls got a piece of plastic with hair sticking out of it. SO WHY GIVE ME A DAMN BARBIE?!

Of course, I realize now that it was probably because they ran out of cars and really didn't want to fight an eight-year-old boy over not getting a toy in their Happy Meal. So we got the left over Barbies. What did I do to these Barbies? What any little boy would do. Lick them.



So it's 2010. I want this blog to head in a more organized direction. Less rambling. More themes. Less assholes. More references to things that you probably won't pick up on. Less about me. More about me. Less about sad. More about happy. Life is in the pits.

Also, my new New Year's Resolution is to make one U.S dollar through adsense. That is why you'll notice there are ads on my blog now. They in no way get in the way of your reading so I might as well right? It's hard out here for a not-famous person on the internet.

-Allan