Your tears as ransom/All Apologies/Bonus Track

Mmm....more titles.

I can't sit around and read this god damn SAT prep book all day...mom. So I'm gonna blog.

I'm still feeling the post-show giddyness. Well, not really but totally. To tell you the truth, this last show may have been one of the only ones where I was very unreceptive of what was going on. Even now, I have a hard time reconstructing Lydia's set in my mind. I think it was probably because the two bands that played in between them kinda bummed me out. Also, I just really didn't feel like anyone in the room was there for the music. Just to worship. Like more than 20 times I overheard someone saying "I don't even know who's playing tonight" (in the sense they were really there for like maybe one of the bands) or asking someone else what the line-up looked like. I don't know, I just really didn't like the atmosphere. I really can't explain it. I'm just cynical to everything.

It was a good show nonetheless.

All the previous comments can be taken as complete bullshit simply by the amount of pictures I took of Mindy White. I guess I was there to "worship" too.

Fuck. I think I'm trying to move away from some kind of mold because I need to feel different. I desperately want thoughts of my own and not something someone told me or something I read somewhere. I could talk all the shit I want about these kids who "dress alike and think the same things". At the end of the day though, they at least have some sort of identity and a sense of who they are (I hope). Mindless hipster scene zombie. Haha. Better than me though. I gravitate between everything and ultimately am nothing.

This is me trying to prove that I am in fact that I'm aware of everything by pointing out my own shortcomings.

That was me pretending like I knew what any of those words meant.

Am I confusing you now? Is this pissing you off? Should you buy me dinner?

It's almost Summer break thing of doom. Time for me to be all depressed again. That's all free time leads to. A chance for me to be alone with my head and letting all the things that have not happened for me (even though the movies promised!) manifest themselves into long and boring blog posts. It's starting even as we speak. The longer these things are, the more depressed I am. I believe. So I will try hard to do something. But I won't because I'm lazy and too detached from everything to go crawling back to it with my tale between my legs.

Times like these I wish I had more friends. Cause I really don't have many. Because I'm really hard to get along with. "My kind of people" don't really exist in my environment.

Okay. No. Disregard all of this. I'm just trying to avoid work.

-Allan